A Beautiful Family
by Of Jumbled Thoughts
Summary: Rollisi. (3-12-16) When Jessie is hospitalized, Sonny is Amanda's rock.
1. A Beautiful Family

Only three tables were occupied in the small, cozy Italian restaurant where Sonny had taken Amanda, surprising given the amazing cooking that defined the place. The first of these was taken by Amanda and Sonny, who sat in the small booth at the back of the room, just outside the kitchen. They sat on opposite sides with Jessie in her car seat on the bench next to her mother.

At the other side of the diner was a solitary old man with a newspaper, who was repetitively visited by an equally old man from the kitchen, presumably the owner. And just near the entrance, with a direct line of sight to Amanda, Sonny, and baby was an old couple. They smiled smiles that only wrinkled faces know how to.

Amanda, ignoring her own food, gently lifted her daughter, clad in a pink onesie, from her chair and took out her bottle.

"Amanda, you need to eat, let me feed her," Sonny said.

Shaking her head, Amanda responded, "No, I'm fine." Jessie turned her head away from the bottle and began to fuss. Amanda put the bottle down on the table and stood up, bouncing from her knees until Jessie calmed.

"I don't think she's hungry," Carisi said. "When's the last time you fed her?"

Amanda, returning to her seat, shrugged. "Two hours ago?" Jessie made one of those baby-noises, staring intently at Sonny.

"Yeah?" he said, leaning down to look her in the eyes. "Did Mommy already feed you? She did, didn't she? You're not hungry, are you? Are you?" he cooed. He extended his arms out to pick her up, and she came willingly.

Sonny made faces at her, and she smiled a toothless little smile, cooing and gurgling. Amanda felt her heart warm as a smile even more grand than her daughter's made its way across her face.

Amidst the warmth and happiness of the encounter, neither Amanda nor Sonny noticed that the old couple from across the diner had made their way over.

"Excuse us," the man said, his arm around his wife. She smiled at Amanda and then looked over to the baby who was wide-eyed and curious. "We just wanted to say that you are a beautiful family," he continued.

Amanda and Sonny exchanged looks. Before they got the chance to say anything, the wife began speaking.

"It's so nice to see young people so in love. And a father so invested in his child," she continued as Sonny turned red. Amanda felt a tear leak out of her eye, thinking about how Jessie would grow up without a father, and about Declan and how he had stayed in Serbia, thousands of miles away from his only child. She wiped her eyes quickly and none but the old woman noticed.

"Thank you," Sonny said, not wanting to burst their bubble.

"How old is she?" The woman asked, gesturing to the baby.

"About two months," Amanda replied instantaneously.

"She's absolutely beautiful. She's your first?"

"Yes," Amanda said, smiling at her baby.

"Well," said the old man, who had had his fill of the conversation, "We'll leave you to it."

"Goodbye, sir, ma'am," Sonny said as they headed for the door.

As the bell overhead chimed, and the glass door closed out the chill of winter, Amanda did not ask Sonny why he held up the mirage. Instead, she smiled, and held within her the thought that they were a beautiful family.


	2. Public Opinion

"You are not bringing that—that _thing_ into my apartment," Amanda scoffed, gesturing to the small blue and orange onesie that Sonny had presented her.

"Oh, come on, Amanda, it's MLB certified! So what if you're from Georgia? She's a _New Yorker_ ," he replied, gesturing to the sleeping baby. They were out at a family bar and grille celebrating Jessie's three month "birthday." At this age, everything was an occasion, an accomplishment. Or maybe just an excuse to get out of the house. Or to meet up with Sonny.

The onesie in question was blue with the word "Mets" written across the chest in orange, the team's logo just below. Amanda was not having it. A loyal Atlanta Braves fan, she was determined to raise her daughter as nothing else.

"Forget it, Sonny, it's not happening," she responded.

"It might accidentally find its way into your diaper bag," he said, laying it down on the fake wooden table.

She raised one eyebrow and smiled. "Yeah, and then into the trash."

"Hmm," he muttered, raising his coffee cup to his lips. From the stroller next to him, Jessie gurgled.

"You see?" He motioned to the baby. "She knows."

"Yeah, she knows that she doesn't want to be a Mets fan," Amanda shot back. Sonny leaned down and picked her up, gently bouncing her on his lap. Her blue eyes were wide with interest.

"Hey, how are you guys doing?" A skinny, bespectacled waiter asked.

Jessie babbled happily in response.

The waiter grinned at the baby. "Does that mean 'good'?"

"Yeah, everything's great, thanks," Sonny responded. The waiter smiled, nodded, and went to check on another table.

On the TV above just above their heads, in the last few minutes of the NFL playoffs, the team that had been under the whole game, that neither Sonny nor Amanda knew the name of (they had been otherwise preoccupied) scored, tying the match.

The place erupted into groans and yells.

Jessie, terrified, started crying. Not any normal crying, but red-in-the-face, screaming-from-the-bottom-of-her-lungs crying. A woman at the bar turned and stared, glaring, while Sonny rocked the baby in an attempt to soothe her.

"It's okay, Jessie, you're okay," Sonny cooed. He held the baby so she faced away from the woman at the bar and shot his own glare back at her. After all, everyone in the restaurant was being loud and obnoxious, and she was getting mad about a crying baby.

After the football fans aggravation had subsided, Jessie had not stopped crying. Sonny had handed her over to Amanda, hoping that her mother would be better able to calm her. Amanda stood next to the stroller, bounced the baby, and stroked her back, praying that she would stop.

No such luck. Eventually, the woman from the bar walked over.

"Excuse me," she said. Her voice was like hot vinegar.

"Can I help you?" Sonny said standing and placing his hand on Amanda's shoulder.

"If you can't control your child, maybe you should go somewhere private. This is a restaurant, people are trying to have a good time," she said, ignoring Sonny and looking directly at Amanda, who had her arms wrapped protectively around Jessie.

Before Amanda could even react, Sonny was both diffusing and aggravating the situation.

"Hey, look, first, this is a baby. _You_ need to calm down. And second," he said, motioning to Amanda, "How dare you speak to her like that?"

"I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking," she replied.

"I'd have to disagree with you there," A teenage boy from the next table said, his girlfriend nodding in ascent.

"Yeah, maybe _you_ should leave," A middle-aged man said.

Sonny stood between Amanda and the woman, his arms crossed.

"He's just saying what everyone else is thinking," he said.

She huffed, turned on her heel, and left.

"Good riddance," the middle-aged man called behind her. A few more minutes passed before Jessie stopped crying.

Sonny managed to sneak the Mets onesie into Amanda's diaper bag, just as promised.

 **A/N: Hey guys, I wanted to get some input from you. Two things:**

 **A) Would you rather this be a chronological story or a series of one shots? At present, it could go either way.**

 **B) Would you rather see more Amanda + Sonny with baby, or without baby?**

 **Let me know in the reviews!**

 **P.S. : You can p.m. me or leave a review with a Rollisi one shot request. I figure a lot of you would prefer a series of one shots. If that's not the case and you send in one shot requests, I'll write them and post them separately.**

 **-Of Jumbled Thoughts**


	3. Christmas Festivities

Amanda didn't have family. Not really. A sister in prison and a mother who had abandoned her when she was eight months pregnant did not a family make.

At least, not a family like Sonny's.

Big, loud, happy, and Italian. That was Sonny's family. Warm and inviting, and yes, nosy. Amanda wasn't sure which of those three was their motivation for inviting her to spend Christmas with them.

Nevertheless, here she was, just outside Sonny's parents' door with him. Snow was softly falling around them and onto the blanket she had used to cover sleeping Jessie in her car seat. They had rung the doorbell not seconds ago.

Amanda was quiet, shifting the snow around with her feet.

"Come on, they're gonna love you," Sonny said, resting his hand on her shoulder.

She smiled at him. "It's just that . . . I don't know, I don't want to intrude," she said.

"Hey, it's Christmas Eve. You're not intruding on anything."

The door swung open. The same shining, lively blue eyes that Sonny had stood out against an old man's wrinkled face.

"Well, hello there!" He said. "You must be Amanda. Come in, come in, it's freezing out there."

He ushered them inside and took Amanda's coat, subsequently handing it to Sonny to put away. Amanda lifted the blanket from Jessie's car seat to check on her and then put it back in hopes that she would remain asleep.

Sonny returned quickly. It was overwhelming. The house was full to the brim, bursting with family members of Sonny's. It was the kind of family that would take a lifetime to know the ins and outs of, to memorize all the names, to learn all the life stories. Amanda had one night.

Within five minutes, Amanda had met thirty new people—at least. Try as she might, she couldn't get Jessie to sleep through the noise. She lifted her little girl from her car seat, and held her so she had a full view of the festivities. Sonny didn't once leave their side, guiding Amanda through the extensive family and making silly faces at the wide-eyed baby.

Sonny's mother came out of the kitchen with more food than Amanda had ever seen in her life.

"Eat, eat," she said. Sonny's sisters were close behind. Bella, his youngest sister, the one with then six month old baby girl, approached Amanda.

"Hey! I think we've met once before," she started. "I'm Sonny's sister, Bella; this is Grace," she said, motioning with her right hand to the brunette baby she held in her left.

"Right, yeah, we have! I'm Amanda; this is Jessie," she responded, smiling. It was nice, the two of them with their baby girls.

Grace's eyes grew wide with curiosity at the sight of another baby.

"Sonny, I think Uncle Tony was looking for you," Bella said. It was a polite way to say: "Hey, let us have some time to chat."

He didn't get the message. "I'll go find him later," he said. He placed his hands over Amanda's shoulders.

Bella's eyes flickered to her brother's hands on Amanda's shoulders, but she was making eye contact again within seconds, not missing a beat.

The night moved quickly. Sonny's mother and aunts fed everyone more than enough food, and there were enough leftovers to last a week.

It was late. The extended family had left, and all that remained were Sonny's sisters and their husbands, Sonny, Amanda, and Jessie, and, being that it was their house, Sonny's parents.

Amanda was sitting on the couch in the family room, Jessie sound asleep in her arms. To her left was Sonny's mother, giving her loving and helpful advice. Even more soundly asleep was Sonny's father in the leather chair just outside the kitchen door. Sonny was at Amanda's right, dividing his attention equally between smiling at the baby, grinning at Amanda, and looking at his mother when she spoke. His brothers-in-law were outside on the porch despite the cold, smoking cigars and drinking brandy.

His sisters; however, were gathered in the kitchen. Bella, who had put Grace down upstairs in her parents' room, was leading a whispered conversation amongst the three women.

"Gina, tell me you don't think it's true," she said.

"Theresa, I think Bella's right," Gina responded. "I think that baby _is_ his."

"Don't you think he'd tell us? I mean, really," Theresa said, never one to be roped into conspiracy.

"Hey," Sonny popped into the kitchen. He was met with sudden silence. "What?" He asked, knowing immediately that they were hiding something.

"Amanda's baby is real cute," Gina said tentatively.

"Yeah, she is," he said, a smile fanning across his face.

At the same time in the family room, left alone with Amanda—well, basically alone, the baby and her sleeping husband weren't really up for eavesdropping, Sonny's mother spoke frankly.

"You make my son very happy, you know," She said to Amanda.

Amanda looked to her, unsure of what to say.

"He loves you very much," she said. "Both of you." Amanda nodded at the older woman, not saying anything.

Back in the kitchen, Gina, Theresa, and Bella were still trying to solicit some details about the baby from Sonny.

"So Amanda's still on maternity leave then?" Theresa said.

"Yeah, she's almost up with the leave, and then she's going to use her vacation time," he responded.

"You spend a lot of time with her and the baby, huh?" Gina said.

"I—uh, yeah, why?" Sonny _was_ a detective. He _was_ a law student. He recognized an interrogation when he saw one.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Sonny, is that your baby?" Gina said. The three sisters had thought that asking Sonny that particular question could go one of two directions. Option A, Sonny sheepishly admitted that yes, he was Jessie's father. Maybe he would be proud, maybe he would laugh and then confirm, but the basic element of the first direction would be the affirmation of their suspicions. Option B, on the other hand, was that he would say that was not his baby, maybe angrily.

What they didn't expect was his silence. Sonny was never, ever silent—he always had something to say. But not now. He tilted his head downward, looking at his shoes.

"No," he said, staring at the floor. "No, she's not."

Gina, Theresa, and Bella exchanged glances. They knew he wasn't lying, but they weren't sure why he seemed so upset that they had asked. So he wasn't the father? Did he wish he was? He at least had a thing going on with Amanda, right?

"I see," Theresa said. Although, being the oldest, she was usually all about showing her younger siblings how wrong they were, she remained quiet.

"What's going on with you and Amanda, Sonny?" Bella asked softly.

He scoffed and looked around the room. "I—look, I don't know. I don't know," he said. "It's getting late, we should leave."

"Sonny," Bella said, reaching out her hand.

"Let him go," Theresa said, stopping her little sister. "Let him be."

"Hey, Amanda, it's getting pretty late, maybe we should head out," he said upon reentering the family room. He was good at masking his emotions.

"Yeah, you're probably right," she said, slowly standing as to not wake the baby. She turned to Sonny's mother and thanked her for having her, and then went with Sonny to his parents' guest room, where they had left their jackets, to place Jessie in the car seat.

"We should say goodbye to your sisters before we leave," she said as she helped Sonny put on his jacket.

"Nah, I already took care of that; we're good," he said, avoiding her gaze. She looked so beautiful illuminated in the yellow light cast by the decades-old lamp in his parents' guest room.

"Are you sure?" She asked as she pulled on her own jacket.

"Yeah, yeah." He looked over at Jessie, sleeping peacefully, and draped the blanket back over her.

Sonny drove Amanda back to her apartment in silence. When they got there, he walked her and Jessie upstairs, his hand on Amanda's back the entire time.

"Thanks for inviting me tonight. I had a great time," she said. God, she looked so beautiful.

He smiled. It must have been one, two in the morning.

"Merry Christmas, Amanda." She nodded, and then leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas."

 **A/N: As far as chronological vs one shots, you guys gave mixed answers. However, most of you leaned towards one shots, so I'm going to write one shots that are, for the most part, chronological. That being said, this chapter is out of order- chronologically, it would have occurred before chapter two but after chapter one. As far as baby Jessie, you guys, for the most part, were adamant that you wanted her to be a part of the story, so that's what you'll get. For the few of you who wanted just Amanda and Carisi, you'll get some of that too, don't worry.**

 **TL;DR: Be prepared for chronological one shots (send me your requests) and lots of baby Jessie.**

 **-Of Jumbled Thoughts**


	4. Six More Weeks of Winter

February second. The groundhog did not see its shadow. So, apparently, spring would be coming early. Just not for Carisi.

He had pulled the blinds shut to block out the sunlight. In his hands, he held the memorial card from the wake that morning. His grandfather smiled up at him through the tear-stained lamination. On the back, the prayer to Saint Michael was imprinted in golden text. The funeral was scheduled for later that night.

Sonny hadn't taken off his shoes or his jacket. There he was, alone in his apartment, wearing a black three-piece suit, holding the card with his grandfather's picture. His grandfather's name. His grandfather's date of death.

It had been two days since he had received his sister's call.

 _It was a Sunday. Sonny had just left, surprisingly, Barba's office. The bar exam was three weeks away, and he wanted to study as much as he could. He was walking on sunshine after finishing a two hour study session. Barba had drilled him harder than any professor ever had, and he answered each question perfectly. At the end of the two hours, Barba leaned against his desk, nodded, and then said: "I'd wish you good luck, but you won't need it."_

 _And then, Amanda had sent him a video of Jessie laughing and laughing. The baby, whose hair had grown in just as blonde as her mother's, was wearing green and pink footsie pajamas. As she laughed, apparently in on some joke that neither Amanda nor Sonny could understand, she kicked her feet and grasped for them. She had grown so much so quickly._

 _And to top it off, Amanda would be returning from maternity leave within the week. He knew it was selfish, being so excited for her to come back to work when it meant that she would be away from her child, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't wait to be with her as much as possible; to have her with him in the squad room and out on the field._

 _As his fingers hovered over the keyboard, trying to formulate the perfect response to the video of the bouncing baby, his phone rang. An embarrassing picture of Bella flashed across the screen, because, of course, the ugliest picture of her that he had would be the one that became her contact ID._

" _Yeah?" He asked, pushing the elevator button to head up to his apartment._

 _Bella was quiet, but Sonny could hear her gasping for breath. Crying. He felt his heart rate increase as the possible scenarios—plausibility not considered—ran through his mind._

" _S—Sonny," she said, as a sob escaped her lips. And just like that, he knew what had happened._

 _Their grandfather had been diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer not a month before. They knew it was coming, but that didn't make it any less of a shock. Or any less painful. Still, he let his sister do the talking, just in case, just so he could hold on to the fantasy that maybe—maybe—their grandfather was still alive._

" _He's gone. Grandpa—he, he died," she said. Sonny didn't know what to say. If someone else lost a loved one, he was the person they came to. He was good at making people feel better. But now, he had nothing to tell to his sister. No comfort to offer her. Just his silence._

" _Thanks for letting me know," he said quietly, slipping his key into the door._

 _He hung up the phone and closed the door behind him. Placing the phone down on the small table in his entrance, he walked into his family room. He took a look around, and then screamed into a pillow. He knocked everything off of the coffee table, and then sat down on the floor and cried._

That night, on the night that his grandfather died, he forgot to text Amanda back. She assumed that he was too busy working, and reminded herself that he wasn't Jessie's father. It was silly to think he'd show more than a polite amount of interest in her.

That was, until, two days later, on Groundhog Day, when Bella came to her door just as the sun was retreating in the sky.

"Hi," she said softly. She was in head to toe black. "It's me—Bella—Sonny's sister," she said, although she didn't need to.

"Come in, come in," Amanda said, standing back to clear the way inside.

Jessie was awake. Wide awake, in fact. She was babbling and gurgling and pulling at her mother's hair.

"Is—Is Sonny all right?" Amanda asked. "He hasn't responded to my messages for the past two days."

"Amanda, our grandfather died two days ago."

Amanda was silent. Relief that it wasn't Sonny that was dead flooded her system, and then guilt for feeling okay with someone else's death replaced it.

"I'm so sorry," Amanda said, putting Jessie down in her bassinet so that she could hug Bella. Her tears, which she had tried so hard to conceal, leaked onto Amanda's stained sweater.

She collected herself. "Sonny . . . it would mean a lot to him if you came to the funeral tonight," she said. The look on her face told Amanda that she didn't expect her to do it, to come. But Amanda was never one to partake in expectations.

"Of course," she said, rubbing Bella's back. "Of course."

Bella gave Amanda the address of the church and then told her that the service was in five hours before leaving.

Amanda soon after realized the predicament that she had entered into. She had to go to the funeral—no way was she missing it. But she also needed someone to watch Jessie on a five hour—make that four and a half hour—notice. And of course, her go-to babysitter, Sonny, couldn't do it.

So she called Liv. Liv, apologetically, told Amanda that as much as she wished she could help, she couldn't. She had gone to Boston for the weekend for a conference on using social media to catch perps.

Grudgingly, she called Fin. Make no mistake—Amanda loved Fin. He was a good friend, a good man, a good cop, and a good partner. But he was a terrible babysitter. He was rough with adults, and didn't really know how to operate with children, especially babies. But he agreed to do it for Amanda. So, three and a half hours later, Amanda, dressed in all black, was showing Fin how to use the bottle warmer before she left for Carisi's grandfather's funeral.

Definitely not a course of events she would have seen herself participating in just a year ago.

When she arrived at the church, she was half an hour early. She hadn't been early to anything since Jessie was born. Well, that's not fair—to blame it on Jessie. Amanda hadn't been early to anything in years.

They hadn't closed the casket for the service yet. Being from Georgia, she was no stranger to open casket funerals, but that didn't make them any easier.

So far, only about eight people had shown up. It wasn't hard to find Sonny. He was as far away from the casket as he could get, sitting in a pew at the back of the church. She made his way over to him and sat down. He was silent.

"I'm so sorry," she said. For the first time since she had entered the church, he picked his head up. He wasn't crying, but the red rims around his eyes told a different tale.

"Thank you," he said.

The service was quick, and so was the burial. Sonny's mother, who was equally glad to see Amanda, had invited the two of them to her house to eat something, but they respectfully declined.

Amanda offered to take Sonny home, but he asked if he could see Jessie.

When Amanda arrived at her apartment, she was surprised to see Fin lying on the couch, watching _The Bachelor_ with Jessie on his chest. Not even grief-stricken Sonny could resist.

"He's real dreamy, isn't he?" He said before Fin could even realize that they had returned.

"Look, the remote got stuck and she cried whenever I tried to change it," Fin said.

"Yeah, right," Amanda teased before leaning down to pick up her little blonde baby.

"Hello, Jessie. I missed you very much," she whispered, just loud enough for her daughter to hear.

"Thank you, Fin," she said.

"No problem, 'Manda," he said, standing and readying himself to leave. He wanted to say something to Carisi, but he wasn't sure how to approach the subject and he didn't want to overstep, so he figured that somethings are better left unsaid.

Amanda found that the remote was working just fine, and turned off the TV. Sonny joined her on the couch. He held out his hands for Jessie, and she gave her to him.

Jessie smiled at him, laughed, and swung her arms back in forth as she babbled away. Sonny smiled his first real smile in days.

That night, Sonny didn't leave Amanda's apartment. After they put Jessie down, the two fell asleep together snuggled on Amanda's couch. There was no sex, but the intimacy was something that Amanda had never had before: trust, and love.

And when he woke up on February third at four in the morning to the sound of Jessie crying, Amanda in his arms, he knew the groundhog had been right. Spring would come early this year.


	5. Fatherly Love

It was Noah's birthday. It had fallen, conveniently, on a Saturday. Olivia was having a party, something modest, to celebrate his second year.

The guest list was small, but included some of Noah's friends from preschool, Lucy, Barba, Fin, Carisi, Rollins, and baby. Liv had also asked Dodds if he would like to come, but he, never wanting to mix business with pleasure—or awkward social encounters—declined.

The last time Amanda had come to a party at Olivia's house, she had come with Nick. It was to celebrate Noah's adoption. She was pregnant at the time, but she didn't know it yet. Crazy how quickly a life could change.

And now, on the convenient Saturday, Amanda was with Sonny. And her baby. He had come to pick her up at her apartment nearly an hour before they were supposed to be at the party, just because he knew that something would hold them up. He was right, of course. Jessie spit up all over herself and Amanda and they both had to change.

When they got to the party, a mere fifteen minutes late, Noah ran up to them.

"Baby?" he asked. His eyes were full of wonder, gazing up at the small, curious being in Amanda's arms.

"Yeah," Sonny said, crouching down to pick up Noah as to hold him at the same level as Jessie. "That's Jessie," he said, even though Noah had been introduced before. Noah reached out his hands to touch the baby before Sonny stopped him.

"Hey, little man, remember what I told you about the baby?" Sonny asked.

"Kind and gentle!" Noah responded.

"That's right!" Sonny said, holding out his hand for a high five. The toddler slammed the man's hand and motioned towards the floor. Sonny put him down and turned back to Amanda. Jessie was pulling on her mother's hair, so Sonny ever so kindly, ever so gently, reached over and pushed Amanda's blond locks out of the infant's reach. She offered a smile in return, and Sonny walked over to Liv to give her the presents that he and Amanda had brought for Noah.

"Thank you, guys," Liv said, offering a hug. She put the presents down on the kitchen table. Sonny's was wrapped in the same striped wrapping paper he had used for Amanda's baby shower present. He, as he was not a parent, had bought Noah a toy police car with a siren and flashing red and blue lights. Amanda, on the other hand, who had a child and knew first-hand how annoying noisy toys were, had bought a set of bath toys.

"Hello, Jessie," Liv cooed at the baby, because that's what she did. Sure, Noah was her baby, he would always be her baby, but he wasn't technically _a baby_ anymore. And so she loved seeing Jessie.

Amanda, reading her boss' face, said, "Do you wanna hold her?" Liv nodded in response and gently took Jessie into her arms. Noah, who had been preoccupied playing with his preschool friends in front of the couch, took notice of his mommy holding the baby and ran over, holding his arms up, signaling that he wanted to be lifted.

Sonny swooped down and picked up the toddler, who reached out to his mother.

"Mommy!" he said. Amanda, knowing well that Noah was quickly becoming jealous, took Jessie back from Liv, who reached out to Sonny to pick up her own child.

Noah, who had simply wanted his mother to hold him because he didn't want her to be holding Jessie, quickly grew bored and left to play with his friends once more. The children, four young boys including Noah, entertained themselves until it was time for cake. Just after Liv showed Noah how to blow out the candles, the doorbell rang.

"Lieutenant Murphy! Come in, come in," Liv said, leaving Noah to cover himself in frosting. The former SVU commanding officer walked into the apartment holding a blue gift bag. He scanned the room for Amanda, but was unable to find her. Unbeknownst to him, she had disappeared to Liv's room to breastfeed Jessie.

"Thank you for having me, Lieutenant," he replied as he handed her the gift. She smiled and then glanced over to her son, whose face was covered in blue and green frosting. Although she usually would have been over immediately to clean him, she elected to let him have his fun as it was his birthday. He gave her a big blue-toothed smile and continued to make a mess of his cake, face, and hands.

Looking back to Lieutenant Murphy, Liv noticed that his face had fallen, albeit briefly.

"Everything okay, Lieutenant?" She asked.

"Declan, please," he said. "Noah's really grown," he steered, changing the subject. Liv noticed, but as a proud mother, she was not going to miss out on the chance to talk about her son.

"Yeah, he has," she said lovingly. "He learned the alphabet in preschool." Declan nodded as Olivia went on about her son, taking notice of—what was his name? Detective Carrus? Cranks? Something like that.

He finished up his small talk with Olivia and made his way over to the grown man entertaining all the toddlers.

"Detective," he said, extending his hand. Sonny looked up from the red headed child he had been playing with.

"Lieutenant Murphy, nice to see you," he said, grabbing his hand. Declan had two thoughts at this time: One: This detective remembered his name, but he could not for the life of him remember the detective's, and two: The unknown detective made no reference to when Declan had pistol whipped him.

"How's it going? You still working on that ring in Serbia?" Sonny asked.

"Let's just say that the job's never over," Declan responded. Declan wasn't good at small talk. Or talk. He was what some might call "a man of action." Sonny was not.

"So what brings you here?" he asked.

"Just a break, you know? Had some free time," he responded, looking around the room. He still hadn't seen Amanda, and he came to the conclusion that she simply was not there.

"Yeah, I'd love to have some of that," Sonny joked, turning his gaze to the hallway leading to Liv's room, as he had just heard a door close.

"Sonny, I think we'd better get going," Amanda said, not looking up while she stroked Jessie's hair. Jessie was peacefully sucking her thumb and wearing pink and yellow footsie pajamas that Sonny had bought for her.

"Hello, Amanda," Declan said. It felt strange, intrusive, but he knew that he had to say something while she was still there.

Amanda's head snapped up before she repeated the same words she had used when Declan flew out to figure out whether he was Jessie's father, "Declan! What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk in private?" he responded. Amanda glanced at Sonny, who nodded in ascent.

"Come on, it's quiet in the hall," Amanda responded. She led Declan into the hallway outside of Olivia's apartment.

Once they were alone, Declan fell silent. He had pictured this scene in his mind over and over, but the words didn't come.

It was only Jessie that broke the awkward tension. She began babbling and subsequently pulling on her mother's hair, her favorite toy.

"Oh, let me . . ." Declan trailed off, pulling Amanda's hair out of their daughter's reach. Their daughter.

She was so beautiful. _Lucky for her_ , Declan thought, _That she looked just like her mother and nothing like him._

"Her name is Jessie," Amanda said.

 _Jessie._ The name floated around in Declan's head. He had never expected to have a child—and now he did. Her name was Jessie.

"You won't be here for long, will you?" Amanda asked.

"No," he said truthfully, "I won't. I came here because I figured you must have given birth by now."

Of course she had. When she had last saw him, she was seven months pregnant. Now Jessie was almost four months old.

"Declan," Amanda began, mulling over her words, "If you want to have a relationship with Jessie, you need to commit. It's not good for either of you, you popping in and out of her life," she said. The words hurt her as they left her mouth, but she knew she needed to protect her daughter.

But there was too much to say, too much to decide, too much to figure out. They would need time to discuss this, and the hallway outside Liv's apartment was not the place.

"I know," he said, "I know."

"So?" she asked, hope seeping into her voice. She desperately wanted Jessie to have a good, dedicated father. Someone who would love her and protect her as much as she, her mother, did.

"I have to be back in Serbia by the end of the week," he said. "There are so many children I need to protect."

Amanda felt her heart break. She had not expected anything more. Declan was a good man, and a good officer. He wanted to protect everyone around him. But although he was Jessie's father, he would never truly be her dad.

Amanda wanted to say that she understood, and at a time, she would have—but that was before Jessie. Before she became a mother, and was blessed by the best thing in her life.

So she said nothing.

The silence was met by more babbling from Jessie.

"Declan, Jessie is still your daughter. I can send you pictures if you want them . . ."

"I don't know if that's the best idea, Amanda," he responded. "Someone could find them, they could go after you, or her . . ."

They had entered into a habit of not finishing their sentences.

"Okay," Amanda said, although she wondered if maybe he didn't want pictures so he could distance himself.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes as Declan took in the sight of their daughter.

"Maybe we should rejoin the party," Declan suggested.

"I think that's a good idea," Amanda said.

When Sonny took Amanda back home at the end of the party, he lingered. Amanda, of course, didn't mind. He had come to be quite familiar with her apartment, and she with his presence there.

"Everything okay?" he asked. He had formulated some theories, but wasn't about to intrude. Unless Amanda opened the door.

"Declan is Jessie's father," Amanda responded as she took hold of the baby monitor.

This was, in fact, the very theory that Sonny had constructed.

"I see," he said. "Does—does he want custody?"

Amanda cracked a sad smile as he posed his sweet, concerned question. In a way, even though that scenario would be an uphill battle, she wished it were true. At least that way, she would know that Jessie had a father who loved her.

"No," she exhaled, "He doesn't really want to be involved in Jessie's life. I mean, I think he does, but he'd choose working thousands of miles away over her."

"Amanda, you love Jessie enough for a million fathers. And so do I," Sonny said, wrapping his arm around her waist.

 _And I love you_ , Amanda thought. _And I love you._

 **A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, thanks for hanging in there guys! I love reading all the supportive reviews, and there will be less time between this chapter and the next one then there was between these last two.**

 **Also: Send me your requests/prompts! PM or reviews are fine for this!**


	6. Hospital Visits

Now that Jessie was almost four months old, she was sleeping through the night rather consistently—just not tonight. It was three in the morning, and she was crying.

Amanda was standing next to the crib—Jessie's pediatrician had recommended that she switch from the bassinette—rocking her daughter to no avail. Amanda smiled briefly, remembering how Sonny had come over in a pair of overalls to assemble it for her. She hadn't seen a pair of overalls since she moved to New York from Georgia, but nevertheless, there was Sonny, toolbox in hand, rocking the denim.

He had come over on a Saturday, and she remembered how he had unboxed the crib and dragged it into her bedroom. Then he carefully, meticulously read the instructions—he wanted to make sure everything was absolutely perfect and one-hundred percent safe for the baby. When he had finished, he took Jessie in his sweaty, tired arms and rocked her to sleep before putting her down in her new crib. Amanda remembered smiling at her tranquilly sleeping baby.

Another scream from Jessie jolted Amanda back to the present.

"Shhh, it's okay; it's okay," she whispered into her daughter's ear, kissing her forehead. Amanda felt a flash of panic when she realized how hot Jessie was. With her heart racing—she couldn't help it—she placed Jessie down into the crib and then ran over to the bathroom to find a thermometer. Try as she might to steady her hands as she took Jessie's temperature, they shook.

One hundred and three.

As a police officer, Amanda was trained to remain calm as to not escalate a situation. But as a mother? She had just entered full-blown panic.

Gently cradling Jessie with her left arm, she dialed her pediatrician with her right hand. No answer—but what did she expect? It was three a.m.

Her next instinct was to call Sonny. One ring. Two rings. Halfway through the third ring, he picked up the phone.

"Amanda? What's wrong?" he asked, not one bit groggily.

Amanda felt her resolve falter and her voice cracked. "Jessie," she paused to breathe in and calm herself, "Has a fever. 103. I—I," Amanda was at a loss for words. She wasn't sure exactly what Sonny would do or what she would gain from calling him, but she knew it felt right.

"I'll be there in five minutes to take you to the hospital," he said.

That was a lie. He was over in four. When Amanda opened the door, Sonny was standing there in sweatpants and a Fordham tee-shirt, car keys in hand.

She placed Jessie down in her car seat and argued with herself over whether to place a blanket on her. It was freezing outside, but Jessie was burning up. Her instincts told her to leave it off, so she did.

"Let's go," he said. Jessie, waiting in her car seat, was still crying and screaming as Sonny carried her down to the squad car. The whole thing was against protocol, but he turned on the siren anyway. Amanda rode in the backseat next to her daughter, trying her best to comfort her.

When they got to the hospital, Amanda unbuckled the baby and carried her in her arms into the emergency room, Sonny close behind.

They were told to wait. After nearly twenty minutes, when the first tear fell from Amanda's eyes, as Jessie screamed and wailed, Sonny walked up to the counter and yelled at everyone wearing scrubs. Although this may not have been the best or the most diplomatic strategy, nor did it gain him any friends, within a few minutes, they were in a treatment room.

"Ma'am, we'd like your permission to run a blood test," one of the doctors said as she took Jessie from her mother, disrobing her and taking her temperature.

Amanda nodded tearfully, swallowed back her emotions, and meekly said, "Yeah, do whatever you need to." Sonny placed a strong hand on her shoulder.

As the doctors got Jessie into a lukewarm sponge bath, Amanda brought a hand to her own face to hide the tears.

"I should've called 911," she said, loudly enough for only Sonny to hear. He enveloped her in a hug, her head against his chest, her tears staining his shirt.

"She's going to be fine, Amanda; she'll be fine," Sonny whispered, planting a kiss on top of her head.

"Excuse me," a nurse said, tapping Amanda on the shoulder. "It'd be best if you stepped out."

Amanda opened her mouth to protest, but Sonny guided her out, assuring her that, "The doctors are doing their job, Amanda. Let them work."

Amanda paced up and down the hallway, running her hands through her hair, silent. She stopped only when she could no longer hear Jessie crying.

A nurse popped out of the treatment room to update Amanda.

"Miss Rollins?"

Amanda took hold of Sonny's hand. "Yes?" she said.

"Your daughter's just stopped crying; it's a good sign. Her fever's going down. We'd like to keep her here a bit longer, but you're welcome to come back into the treatment room."

Amanda exhaled a breath that she had not been aware she was holding in.

"Thank you," she said, smiling the first time that night.

"Hello, Jessie," Amanda said, taking hold of her baby, who was lethargic but smiled at the sight of her mother.

Sonny placed his hand on the small of Amanda's back, leaning over the baby.

"Hi there, princess," he cooed, tickling her belly with his free hand. Jessie laughed and kicked her feet.

"We've given her some acetaminophen. You'll need to give it to her every six hours until her temperature returns to normal," the doctor said.

"Okay," Amanda responded, not breaking her gaze with her daughter.

The earliest signs of sunlight were peeking through the windows.

When the doctors discharged Jessie, Sonny sought out every hospital employee he had yelled at a few hours ago to apologize. About half them were off duty, so he shared his embarrassment about the way he had spoken to them with Amanda.

"You did it for Jessie. It meant—it meant a lot," she said, struggling to find the right words.

"I did it for you too," he said, smiling at her, forgetting his guilt as he watched Amanda buckle in Jessie.

The sky was illuminated in the same pink and orange as Jessie's pajamas, and the Sun was announcing the new day to the city.

"Looks like the sunshine came back just in time to take Jessie home," Sonny said as he held the car door open for Amanda.

Amanda smiled at him fondly and reached across the divider between their seats to take his hand.

And as Sonny ran the fingers of his free hand through her hair, the keys lingering in the ignition, Amanda responded, "Whatever you say, _Sonn_ shine."


End file.
